Well, it’s almost Christmas. 2020 has been one helluva year. Not much has been constant for me in 2020 aside from the struggle that is far from mine alone. I feel like I’ve been through it all this year. Started a business destined to fail, lost one of the most important people in my life, made a baby that thankfully won’t call 2020 their birth year.
It’s a lot for a year.
Having spent much of the year at home I had a lot of time for reflection. Self reflection and otherwise. My wife works fairly far away and is only home half of the time. That isn’t easy.
“You must feel lonely?”
I hear this a lot. This type of situation isn’t that common in Korea.
Honestly, I don’t feel that lonely. In a lot of ways, I don’t think we deserve animals. No matter what we think on some level every animal is “trapped.” They are confined. Sure, your dog may be free to go but a thousand years of conditioning has made them think that is what they want.
I feel selfish about it. Sometimes. Other times, I feel so unbelievably thankful.
I rarely feel lonely. I’m rarely alone. I sat down to write this post and in less than a minute I was flanked. I’m typing around a head and trying to see through a tail.
Not really though. From here I can see a cat hair floating in my coffee. I noticed it half a cup ago and while it might have once bothered me it is just there now. It’s the cost of play.
A cost I’m more than willing to pay.
I was never a cat person. I didn’t get it.
Where’s the personality? They are just..
This one runs to this window as soon as she hears my car door close. It’s like clockwork. She’s in this window no matter what time it is when I get home.
Maybe she just likes the window?
My wife said it’s the car door she likes. The sound of it.
The sound of me coming home?
Not just there, then. A lot more than that. She likes the outside but not alone. She jumps on my should deftly as I approach the door to go for a “walk.”
I feel a bit like a mech that she drives as she directs where we go with looks.
And a pinch.
Always in trouble though, this one is. Cute doesn’t begin to describe. Cute in her sheer Tom Sawyerness.
Ironic, I was called Tom Sawyer often by my teachers.
They don’t like to sleep alone. A weird thing, that. As my wife moves away she grips tighter.
It’s just the heat. We are warm. A heated pillow.
Isn’t it that?
It must be.
There’s always an explanation. Always a reason. We feed them. Take care of them.
“Don’t you feel lonely?”
No, not really.
I’m never really alone.
And happy for it.
Even if the price is ingestion of a cat hair or ten. A day.
Can’t seem to see the one in my cup anymore. Maybe it’s stuck to the side?
This was a slightly roundabout way to announce my next zine: Two Cute Cats (Thanks Charlie Kirk for letting me borrow the name). It will be ready by the new year. A different feeling from my last few.
And happy holidays from my furry family to yours.